Homesickness, Pt. 2 / Dawn
Eleanor Macagba
Homesickness, Pt. 2
The second skin of a swimsuit,
Plastic, skin-tight feel,
Echoes of screaming children
across arching sky
My mom told me this is where she felt most comfortable:
in the waters of her youth,
and that she expected the same from me.
But my awkward limbs felt too exposed,
Fat beneath the armpits,
Scarred knees,
Acne prone skin.
I yearned to feel the comfort she once did
in chlorine water against clammy flesh—
because breaking the surface,
in that place where water and burning concrete meet,
was a home she had built for me,
and a home she expected me to love.
Between wine drunken nights,
These were the only times her veiny, splotchy hands
would grasp mine firmly,
rather than stay hidden behind lace gloves.
Bend your elbow more,
She’d say, and all I’d think about
Were how rough her palms were—
where had she gained those callouses?
What stories lay behind the map of scars and blemishes?
Look straight ahead. Focus.
I find myself at the pool once more,
Years after that childhood,
Where I found myself missing her
Before she had gone
Submerging my head under icy water
My hair pools around me
Like blooming jellyfish.
Dawn
Milky sky blooming to red and back again,
red like scraped knees
from tripping up on growing legs
red like my own flowering lungs,
gasping for fresh air.
Dirt-stained callused hands
peel back clementines with care,
touch reserved only for fruits
grown in your own backyard.
The pads of your fingers brush against mine
as we pass the fruit between each other.
Juice overwhelming us with sweetness—
fruit rinds thrown to the side
and we reach for another.
Time holds less weight when the world and I are moving at the same pace.
But we were victims of the night
and when we wake up we hold different bodies,
ones that feel heavier,
submerged in rain,
drained of innocence.
I drag my limbs of rusted iron across the room and draw the curtains.
For a moment
I let the sun soak into my tired skin—
once again feel the steady rhythm of a beating heart.
A familiar ache comes back to the scars on my knees,
scrapes from growing legs now grown.